Some may think 'why? it's just reading about God's love for us all, what is there to prepare for?" Well truth be told I'm a little nervous. As stated in 'The Prop' in the past I haven't been the most successful when it comes to reading my Bible and I'm nervous that this year could potentially be no different. I mean reading the Bible in a year sounds fantastic in theory but am I really up for this challenge? Also, due to past neglect of my Bible, I'm not sure if I feel worthy enough to truly experience the full extent of what God has for me....or maybe I mean that I won't be able to accept the fact that God still wants to be a part of my life and despite my previous feelings towards His word. Probably both.
This is why I'm taking the last few weeks of December to make sure that I'm ready and committed to this because there are plenty of times when I get lazy and just flat out don't want to do certain things because they just don't interest me and (I hate to say this) sometimes the Bible is one of those things that just doesn't interest me. Which brings me to my next point.....
I also worry that this whole thing will feel forced, like I'll feel that I have to do this because I have to, not because I want to. You remember how in 'The Prop' I had this mentality that "this is what good Christians do because..." without really providing an explanation of why this (i.e.- reading the Bible) makes you a 'good' Christian. My intention isn't to find a definitive answer or specific description of what it means to be a 'good' Christian, my goal is to discovery what makes me, personally, a good Christian.
I find that way too often Christian's get caught up in what they feel they're supposed to do because it has been conditioned in them since they were little (i.e.- myself, growing up as a preacher's daughter, we had a Joshua stance on Jesus "as for me and my house we will serve the Lord"- Joshua 24:15) or based off of what someone has told them without actually knowing for themselves why they were doing it. Don't get me wrong I love the fact that there are those who teach others about Jesus and His love, that's great! However, I'm the type of person who wants to know why I'm doing something before I do it. This is not to contradict any acts of stepping out on faith, it is to gain a better understanding so I can explain for myself to someone why I personally love Jesus and an answer like "because someone said so" just isn't enough for me and may not be enough for anyone who may want to get to know Jesus as well. Knowing that my answer could be the difference between someone coming to Christ and them going in the opposite direction isn't something that I take lightly so I want to be prepared in case such an occasion occurs.
Granted I am still super nervous about all this I hope to maintain a positive attitude because I know there will be days when I really won't feel like doing this and I will probably let you all know when those days are so you can hopefully send me prayers of encouragement :) I'm not exactly sure what I expect to discover during this next year either but that is what makes this so exciting! Still this is a huge leap of faith for me because I am impatient and like to be in control of certain things, but God has never ever steered me wrong before (even when I pitch a fit like a 3 year old because I can't understand why He wants me to go through some of the things I do) and I don't expect Him to now.
I am looking forward to starting this journey and hoping to improve my relationship with the Lord and hopefully inspire others to do the same. Your prayers and personal experience are more than welcome here.
Be blessed everyone :)
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